1. |
Aliento
02:17
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The moment that I saw your face I saw the end.
Started losing my grip, felt the fear overwhelm me.
All I’d wanted was a peaceful life and a painless death
Now I just wanna start again.
I want to start again.
I want to feel my head
I want to hear your breath
Could have made a clean break but I held on tighter
If I made a mistake it’s that I didn’t make one sooner
All I’d wanted was a peaceful life and a painless death
Now I just wanna start again.
I want to start again.
I want to reach the end
Need to leave this place -
I want to see you there
Wasting my time all the time,
Waiting for answers,
Holding my breath trying to find,
The door marked exit,
It's not here,
It's not there,
It's not anywhere...
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2. |
Phantom Penpal
01:59
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I’ve been writing to a long distance lover. This commitment exceeds that of any of the other relationships I’ve forged outta physical connection. Self quarantine every evening at eleven.
I’ve been writing to a phantom pen pal. Its love, she never questions any lies I tell. Nestled in the confidence of words in text, she dwarfs my friends and they’re reduced into nothingness.
All my best ideas ring out and fall upon absent ears. The weight of my emotions rests on the shoulders of a phantom penpal.
The penpal fights the battles that my letters narrate. She takes the form of any lover that my hand could create. She plays out all the schemes that I only contemplate. I see them manifest on the white of the page. But they never translate into positive change. Oh, the hopelessness of motionless objects of faith.
I’ve been finding consolation in solitude, embracing routine and ritual. And for all the shit I never get to say, the pencil rests an arms length away.
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3. |
Holy Moments
02:43
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Stealing into the night, he left us,
In search of the road not taken.
His unshackled pain carried him for days
At war with the wounds left open
Stumbling over the words not spoken
In solitude, learning how it hurts
That all those summers came and went
With this dull pain in his chest;
Always stood waiting in the wings,
To never act…
Somewhere his presence is felt,
There’s a hand that’s reaching out
But no, no not here
Taking sleep with one eye open
Waiting for the holy moment
Beginning the fall, falling back towards, back towards
The world that he had left;
Some kind of peace inside his head,
Confronting life without a death-
Himself…
If there was a god that I couldn’t see,
Well that’s fine by me,
Life and love are for living and loving,
Not for hiding and chastising
You keep preaching but you can’t see it:
That there’s no higher place than people
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4. |
I'm Not Sick
01:32
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Can’t think for feeling the heart in my chest,
There’s no returning to the place that I left,
Give my whole self to the fate that I felt
Take hold of my heart, wring the sense from my head.
I had a dream that I fell,
I awoke, I still dream...
I’m not sick, I’m not sick, just in love,
I can’t think but I dream and know love,
It’s a trade I left for fate to decide,
I lost faith in myself, let love take over my mind.
It goes deeper still,
Deeper and dark towards the end.
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