Phantom Penpal

from by TWISTED

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    Green shells, blue riso fold out cover design by Stroidy (Niche Homo).

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I’ve been writing to a long distance lover. This commitment exceeds that of any of the other relationships I’ve forged outta physical connection. Self quarantine every evening at eleven.

I’ve been writing to a phantom pen pal. Its love, she never questions any lies I tell. Nestled in the confidence of words in text, she dwarfs my friends and they’re reduced into nothingness.

All my best ideas ring out and fall upon absent ears. The weight of my emotions rests on the shoulders of a phantom penpal.

The penpal fights the battles that my letters narrate. She takes the form of any lover that my hand could create. She plays out all the schemes that I only contemplate. I see them manifest on the white of the page. But they never translate into positive change. Oh, the hopelessness of motionless objects of faith.

I’ve been finding consolation in solitude, embracing routine and ritual. And for all the shit I never get to say, the pencil rests an arms length away.


from Demo (Feb 2014), released February 25, 2014



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